i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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