Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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