I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
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Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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