I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You did what with his pubic hair?
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