So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize