Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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