We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
