On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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