the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Alive.
So much puke
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
