im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
