i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
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She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
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Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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