We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
