Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
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I understand Curling. That high.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
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If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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