I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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