i just wanna soil my oats bro
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I love you. Go after that dick
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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