does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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