Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
