so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
