can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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