In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Randomize
