I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
