yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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