Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
