so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
