Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
false alarm. still invincible.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
