I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
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Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
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We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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