this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
