I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize