after a month anything with tits is on the radar
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
