Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
my poor anus
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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