I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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