You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
