I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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