I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
