Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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