Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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