Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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