So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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