dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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