Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
