you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
