awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
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I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
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Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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