everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
