Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
