Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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