end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
