I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
