Kareoke will never be a sober sport
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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