Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
