I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
