Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
