you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
