you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
