so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
bring money and cleavage
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
