i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Dicks are not precious.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
