the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
