We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
