speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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