that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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