the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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