come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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