Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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