I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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