I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Randomize
