Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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