what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
